I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize