the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
