it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
