how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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