Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
