i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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