I looked at my own cervix.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize