if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
