Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
