erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
