D3 body, D1 cock
Can i not drive my cunt home
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
