I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
