Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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