like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
