someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize