After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize