Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
