i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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