So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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