I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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