I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
