i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I forget how to act sober
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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