My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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