Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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