i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
