you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
