Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
