College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
