11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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