I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
