The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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