I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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