gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
