So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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