went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Houston, we have a squirter
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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