i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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