Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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