You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
