nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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