So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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