Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
