I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
