Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize