Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
