hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize