Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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