im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
