Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
