Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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