Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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