he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
