What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
