so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
