umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
