and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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