I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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