Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
kristin has been a bad kristin
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
