My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
