Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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