Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
