Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have so many feelings about this burrito
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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