He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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