I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
