Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
