And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
