My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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