you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
