Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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