Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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