you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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