I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize