You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
