turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
