I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
