Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
