Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize