so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
