I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
