I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
