Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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