he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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