I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
