i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
