somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
