the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
