you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
