true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
