I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
