You smell like a Billy Joel song
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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