How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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