For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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