i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
