I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
