the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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