Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worst night to have a conscience
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
