Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
vagina is talking i cant
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
