i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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