Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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